rainbowfish | ic spam

Would it make you feel better or worse if I said I wasn't counting my personal appearance illusions?

I wasn't either. I know the coffee wasn't real.

Good catch. Taste and smell are trickier than the other senses. What I think a cup of coffee should smell like might not be the same as what you think the same cup should smell like.

I'm guessing there's a pretty big quality difference in the coffee I usually drink and the coffee you drink anyway.

What else have you been up to?

Oh, God. The next thing you're going to tell me is that you drink the coffee in the break room.

At least once, you talked to me and it wasn't me.

It's free.

In my defense when I'm talking to you I'm usually thinking about other things.

It's so horribly astringent. And you work for the government. You can afford coffee.

I see. You value me more for my body than my mind.

But if I don't drink the free break room coffee, who will?

I wouldn't say I value one over the other. It's just distracting.

Someone even sadder than you. Which is a short list, I realise.

Well, thank you. It's nice to be objectified for a change. You can't imagine how exhausting it is to be told every single day how witty and clever I am.

I gotta pull my weight.

This would work better if you weren't also annoyingly aware of how handsome you are.

Well, if you ever get tired of drinking pigswill, you're welcome to stop by my office for something better.

Would you like it better if I was humble?

Ah, my evil plan to get better free coffee worked.

No.

And all the more devious because you pretend to have no talent whatsoever for subterfuge.

You enjoy that I'm annoying. But I already knew that. [...] Should I stop trying to test your illusion perception?

Maybe I'm playing a very, very long game.

No, let me try again. I'll be more thorough this time.

And just what would your ultimate goal be?

Alright. Tell me something: do you understand sign language?

Steal your coffee, obviously.

I do, yeah. Why?

Oh, obviously. I'm sure my office holds no other attractions.

Crysta and Parson have learned to detect my illusions; they just had to get inventive with their powers to do it. You've seen my crow illusion before. Its caws are based on hours upon hours of crow videos, filtered through my memory. Do the illusory caws say anything to you, or do they not carry any inherent meaning?

The view is pretty nice.

They actually just say "the ice-skating mongoose visits Japan in the winter" over and over again.

The view would be improved with you visiting.

Interesting. Of course a creation of my own brain would be highly inventive in expressing itself.

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